5 reasons why Medical Research prove that list blogs are bad for your health…

17th August 2015

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With the ever increasing complexity of modern living, gone are the days when any self-respecting human being can remember everything essential to keep life on track. There is nothing wrong with resorting to reference material but make sure you have your bullshit filters set to high when Internet search engines are your preferred providers of “literature”.

1)  A recent meta analysis of searches for “5 reasons why…” and “5 reasons how…”, with a spin-off study of “5 reasons what not to…” resulted in the researchers:

Buying a goat, despite living on a 3rd floor apartment and resigning from their jobs then relocating to fundraise for the Sri Lankan Women’s’ football team.

2) Functional neuroimaging studies show that the same cortical and brain stem areas are stimulated when reading list blogs and by the cliffhangers at the end of each Game of Thrones episode. That is pretty much no activity at all.

3) Onion Bhaji commissioned its own research study with full ethical approval. It was a multicentre randomised cluster control trial. Groups of Fresher students with no experience of providing meals for themselves were sent on foraging expeditions to buy ingredients suitable to cook a meal for their visiting parents. Half were randomized to use list blogs to help decide what to buy. These students remain in the first isle of the supermarket unable to make a decision about what to eat.

4) List blogs for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder are particularly dangerous, as you may imagine. The rituals of checking locks and hand washing pale into insignificance when compared to the impact of obsessing about 5 reasons to perform any and every bodily function. The Royal College of Psychiatrists are currently reviewing diagnostic criteria for this affliction

5) There are seldom 5 good reasons for anything. Onion Bhaji has scrutinised the top 100 Google hits for list blogs on lifestyle. Our analysis showed that the authors had no idea what they were talking about and made up the recommendations arbitrarily. Which is exactly what we have done here.

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